Learning to make friends is one of the most
significant tasks in a child's early social development. A child usually begins
this process during the second year of life playing alongside another toddler.
Although there is not much interaction, children notice that they are not much
different from others and they are not the center of the universe.
During the preschool years children develop
social skills they'll need to establish and maintain friendship. Though they're
still very self-centered, children of this age begin to initiate contacts with
strangers. They negotiate roles, and they learn to compromise. Somehow they
manage rejection, claim their possessions, and learn ways to settle conflicts.
Friends do things to reinforce each other's acceptable behavior and even model
behavior for one another.
What can parents do to guide the social
development of their young children?
One important thing is to help a child learn
how to approach other children, how to make contact. Your child will be
watching how you do it. How you manage social situations affects the way your
child views social interaction. Encourage your child to smile and make eye
contact with others. It's okay to suggest some words to use when a child wants
to join others in ongoing play, and some ways to be sure she will be accepted,
like "can I be the visiting grandma?" instead of "I want to play
house too."
Provide times when your child can interact
with peers in a safe and appropriate environment. If you think he's having a
difficult time making friends, try to arrange special play activities with
slightly older children. They'll provide examples of effective social skills.
If your child is anxious about using his social skills, give him an opportunity
to play with a younger child. He can take a lead role and this may give his
self-esteem a needed boost.
As your child gets a little older and is
entertaining a friend at home, try to stay out of the way so they can negotiate
conflict and mange the give and take of friendship. Step in only when there is
imminent danger or a squabble has gone out of control.
Don't categorize and don't allow others to
label your child as "shy", "bossy" or "hard to get along
with". Social skills sometimes take a lifetime to perfect. We all know
adults who are not expert at social interaction. Instead of referring to your
child as "shy", you can say he is "cautious in new
situations." This describes the behavior in a positive way which is better
for the child.
Encourage a child's positive efforts to get
along with others, even when such attempts fail. Tell him you know it's hard
(especially if she's shy.) Remind your child that making friends sometimes
takes a long time, so it's important to keep trying. Ask questions and help him
think about what the other child may need in a friend.
|
Title: |
Making
Friends |
Number: |
907 |
|
Script
writer: |
Erna Fishhaut |
Source: |
Univ of |
|
Date: |
1994/96/2005 |
Reviewer: |
Rose
Allen, Kathy Olson |