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YSBKidPros Archive: Parents/Kids: Do you have a question you would like to ask a YSB Therapist or Specialist? This new web feature will give you the forum for it. You can email in your questions, and a YSB professional will review it and work with you on an answer. Maybe you would like us to call you for a private consultation - or you don't mind if we post the Question and Answer on the web site to help others. If we post it on the site, we only use your first name, and city. We don't give out any other information. It's another way YSB wants to reach out to the community, and help the McHenry County youth and their families. E-mail the Kidpros with your questions and concerns! Question:
“I have the feeling that my 16 year old daughter is getting pretty serious
with her boyfriend. I am concerned that they may soon be having sex. I don’t approve
but she’s not asking me for my advice. What should I do?” If there is no response, be prepared to continue the conversation with facts and specific concerns. For instance, let her know that she could get pregnant any time, even the first. There is no safe time. Have a brochure about sexually transmitted diseases. Voice your concerns about how a pregnancy would change her life and the lives of her family. Your daughter may not be enthusiastic about this conversation, but I can guarantee that she will, at the very least, start thinking about everything you have talked about. Having books, articles, or brochures available might be greeted with disgust initially, but leave them in a private, accessible place and be patient – she’ll get to them. Stay the course. Keep the lines of communication open and don’t be afraid to bring the subject up again. Build a network for yourself of trusted adults with similar values. Ask them how they would handle this situation. Above all, don’t lose sight of the fact that you are the parent and your child needs and is looking for your guidance, concern, and unconditional love. Contact YSB Prevention for more information on this subject. Question - My 11 year old daughter keeps losing her glasses. She lost them 3 times in one month and goes for a couple weeks at a time before we are able to locate them. Is she not old enough to keep track of them? Should we be disciplining her for this irresponsibility? She needs them for distance only.
Thank you. Answer
- Yes, at 11 your child is old enough to be responsible for her glasses. If
they are lost and can't But
if she is misplacing her glasses, brainstorm with her as to how can she be more
responsible with her glasses. See if she can come up with reasonable ideas to
help her manage "her" problem. You are then teaching her to problem
solve. If she cannot come up with ideas on how to manage her glasses better, you
will need to. I'm sure she will not want to wear one of those decorative ropes
around her neck that attaches to the ends of one's glasses, but that is an option.
But help her learn to put them in a glasses case every time she takes them off
when away from home. Does she carry a backpack or purse, or jacket pocket they
will need to be put in away from home? If she is at home, again put them back
in the glasses case, designate an area in the home where they will always be stored
when not in use. Some of this problem is a training issue. Consequences for misplacing
them can be going without a privilege that is important to her until they are
located. I hope this helps. If you have more questions email us again. We are
always here to help. Kay
Telander, LCSW Question - I am looking for a program to help my 11 1/2 year old son, recognize and appropriately process his anger. He is currently in therapy, but seems to be stuck on this issue. Answer: Thank you for contacting
YSB. Since your son is already in therapy and addressing these issues, we do offer
a group that meets weekly and also focuses on anger issues. Sometimes working
on these problems with peers can make a significant impact. If you e-mail us your
address we can mail you a flyer about the group along with a registration form.
Question
- My daughter,
who will be turning 12 soon has a relatively good heart and is very sensitive,
however, she gets very agitated and angry with her siblings as well as her parents.
She has no fear of consequences and is not intimiated by me or her father. When
she gets angry, she says very hurtful things to us, such as I wish Dad would divorce
you for a prettier mom, or, if I say I am going to punish her, she says I will
go to hell and she hopes I do, and other hurtful things. If we are positive and
encouringing to her, such as, we're so proud of you for being in sports and keeping
fit, she retorts with a negative comment back, such as, at least I'm fit - you're
not. This has been going on for a very long time. I know my family has a history
of anxiety's - My mother, my two sisters, my two nieces and myself are on Zoloft/Lophrazam
combination. Could she need this as well? Most of us did not have problems with
anxiety/depression until we were in our 20's or 30's? This is just a small portion
of our daily Answer: Your daughter does not appear to be in need of medications; rather she is exhibiting a behavior problem in managing her anger. If she displays "no fear" of consequences the consequences are ineffective and need to be changed in order to have an impact on her. Consequences need to be tailored to fit each child.Continue with your positive comments (everyone always needs those!) and if she responds negatively; try giving her a time out. Use a chair at the kitchen table for the time out because sending her to her room may be too much fun and reward the negative behavior. Let her know if she is angry she can talk with you about these feelings, but hurting others because she is angry is not acceptable behavior. You may point out to her if appropriate to the situation, she may be angry with herself due to consequences relating to her choice of behaviors. Sometimes children experience their feelings and do not associate where they come from and need to express them but in a manner everyone can live with. This will be even more important as she gets older. Everyone's feelings are okay but how we cope with them behaviorally may lead us into unhappy lives if we do not learn to manage our feelings effectively. I hope this will help you. If you need further help with this situation we will be happy to help you in our therapy program at YSB. Thank you for your inquiry, Kay Telander, LCSW Top Question - I'm worried about my child's self-esteem. She is always saying how stupis she is. How can I help her? Answer - While it is normal for children (and adults) to have doubts about themselves and feel "stupid" sometimes, there are things you can do to help your daughter grow into a healthy, strong adult. Parents play a significant role in their children's self-esteem. Communicate your love, acceptance,and caring for your child on a daily basis. Create an environment in your home where she knows she can express herself safely and will be heard. Guide your daughter to master new skills appropriate to her age, and praise her for her work. Expose her to new experiences and new people on a regular basis. Teach her how to set goals, starting with simple, attainable goals and then moving to longer term goals. Reassure her that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and that failing in something is O.K.and a way to learn to face other difficulties and disappointments that will happen throughout life. Above all, remember that you are her best role model. The way you live your life will give her the best clues on how to live her own. Top
Keep
in contact with your son's school and ask if they see changes as your son responds
to the positive changes you are making. If the negative behaviors persist, ask
the school counselor for a referral to an outside counseling agency, where a full
assessment can be made with appropriate follow-up. The most important thing is
to start those changes now. For further information or to make
a referral, contact McHenry County Youth Service Bureau 1-815-338-7360 Monday – Thursday 8:00
am – 8:30 pm |
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