Teen Dating Violence
by Sandi Palmer - YSB Prevention Specialist

The problem of teen dating violence is so prevalent that The National Center for Disease Control (CDC) recently cited intimate partner violence and teen dating violence as a national epidemic. Dating violence affects a huge number of teenage girls cutting across race, class, age, ethnicity, educational background and income. The only area of discrimination is sex - 95% of victims of dating violence are girls.

Experts define dating violence as a "repeated pattern of actual or threatened acts that emotionally, verbally, physically, or sexually hurt another person." Emotional abuse is the most pervasive and can be the most devastating to many girls.  

There is a lack of awareness in our society as we define such crimes as rape, sexual abuse and battering as crimes against women- as experiences that girls might encounter when they are grown. Lynn M. Phillips, Ph.D., a social and developmental psychologist and author completed a community based girls research program in collaboration with YSB Prevention Staff in Woodstock in the year 2000. Currently a professor of psychology at the New School for Social Research in New York City, Dr. Phillips reviewed twenty contemporaneous studies and authored "The Girl's Report: What We Know and Need to Know About Growing Up Female." The findings show that violence directed against women is still considered an adult problem, although many young girls have been experiencing sexual violence, battering and harassment in teen relationships.

Any parents' daughter can be at risk for relationship abuse. It is a myth that it only happens to girls with low self-esteem. Often it is the girls with the highest self-esteem who are targeted by abusers using mind control to tear down their sense of identity. Young girls believe that they can save these guys because " they are basically good guys." Their immaturity doesn't connect that abusiveness is a pattern.Most teens talk to other teens about their problems. Suggestions given to teens that are sharing their problems in this area are: 

Most teens talk to other teens about their problems. Suggestions given to teens that are sharing their problems in this area are: 

• If you notice that someone is in an abusive relationship, don’t ignore the abuse. Talk to your friend/sister and be supportive.
• Express your concerns and tell her that you are worried.
• Don't be judgmental.
• Tell her that what he is doing to her is not her fault, and that she deserves better.
• Never put yourself in a dangerous situation with the victim's partner. Avoid direct interventions that may endanger your own safety.
• Call the police if you witness an assault.
• Encourage her to confide in a trusted adult. Reaching out to a trusted adult such as a family member, a domestic violence / sexual assault counselor, school counselor, teacher, or clergy is imperative because they will respect the confidentiality and be informed of resources to assist her.
• If your friend/sister refuses to confide in an adult, then you must find a trusted adult to talk with about the abuse.
• Remember the slogan " Silence is Violence."

 

YSB offers groups for teaching teenagers about protective behaviors.  Parent and teacher education is also available.

For further information or to make a referral, contact McHenry County Youth Service Bureau 1-815-338-7360

Monday – Thursday 8:00 am – 8:30 pm
Friday 8:00 am – 3:00 pm